Hati.Berkawan

Assalamualaikum,

Lepas almost 2 years arwah adhwa pergi,got married,me and my very very good friend decided to go on our own separate way after a stupid argument.Now i have to confess something!

I have not,even a day,moved on!

I know arwah for a good 6 years.He was the one who hooked me up with my dear husband. Were in the same class for 4 years. Graduated. Almost did our internship at the same company. Then we both worked in different field. Still,every weekend,without failed. We met for a drink and talked and share and laughed/cried,make each other feels stupid and we did whatever other good friends do!

The day i lost him, was really hard!But as muslim,i have to redha dengan ketentuan yang Maha Esa.
Rasa macam hilang nyawa. I always told him back then when my time has come,i really really want him to recite Yassin for me. He smiled,everytime i told him that.You have no idea how beautiful his voice is everytime he recite quran. He was a perfect imam and muslim.

What i rindu most about him? He was always there whenever i needed him! Without failed. Showed how much he sayang me back then kan?

I miss you Allahyarham Wan Mohd Adhwa Marwan! 7 July 1986 ~ 24th September 2010


Kawan to Best Friend to Best Friend Forever to BFF sampai mati. That was how we used to call ourselves.
Me & my husband. Shaggy & Master. (Arwah & his gf)
We know each other for more than 4 years.
As far as i remember. We did the "Makan sepinggan, tidur sebantal"
She was the only girlfriend i took seriously.Haha.Like seriously i had in school were all drama-queen-all-day-long.
She in fact,a really really good friend,teacher,sister,mentor and with her by my side,she was my strength.
I have lost a part of me since the day we wanted to go on our own separate way.
It was a really bad moved. I should have think and think and think on the consequences because i know back then,the decision we've made,was so childish.
Worst,I should have followed my kata hati telling me "oh she must be pregnant",explained why she was so grumpy all day.
I should have not take her words seriously,Yes i shouldnt! Well if only i could turn back time!
And so after the argument,we didnt contact each other until the day she's in the labour room.
I should have been there!! I was so sure now, if none of these happened to us,I would have take the first flight to Kelantan and be by her side! I want to be by her side. Master would also want Pires to teman him :)

We forgive each other and put all of our anger behind because of uqael marwan. Shag & Master's first baby! He was named after our beloved Adhwa Marwan.

Ingat lagi the day he was born, i silently sat in front of my lappy, alone in my room, holding my bb, and bbm-ed shaggy! I seriously want to be by her side and hold little uqael marwan.

Those were the days where my heart shattered macam glass. Patah hati kecewa sebab I know we were better than that. We were supposed to be BFF sampai mati. We were supposed to hold on that sampai mati. Many times i tried to ajar hati yang lembut dan lemah ni supaya redha mesti ada jalan yang lebih baik Allah nak beri.

Ya Allah. If you read this.Until this very line. You know how i have not terima dugaan Allah ni dengan baik.

Even though dah berbaik.Silaturahim tu tetap tak sama.Beza sangat.Macam mana nak belajar menerima semula?

It was easy to forgive and forget in my case.But something,somewhere is still missing.

Tak tahu mana silapnya.Doakan yang terbaik untuk hati ni.